Unlocking Sexual Wellness: Expert Advice from a Clinical Sexologist & Certified Sex Coach

 What is your educational and professional background in sex coaching and clinical sexology?

I studied with the pioneer of sex coaching herself, Dr Patti Britton, at her school Sex Coach U. On the advice of my own yoga teacher, if you want to learn something, as much as you can you should learn it from the source. There simply was no such thing as a sex coach before Dr Britton developed the practice from her extensive, person-centred work in many fields of counselling, coaching and sexology. The curriculum of the program suited my personal interests of anatomy & physiology, being values-driven and holistically minded. I am a professional member of the Association of Somatic and Integrative Sexologists (ASIS), the World Association of Sex Coaches (WASC) and am fully insured.

I began my studies with SCU in October 2020 having taught yoga and managed my own yoga studio since 2016. I have a personal interest in nervous system responses and am very motivated by helping people feel good. I noticed that many of my yoga students confided about unhelpful feelings such as stress, anxiety and even depression. Stress hormones can be damaging in the body but some pleasure hormones can reduce this damage. But not many can seek pleasure during times of physical stress. My approach to my pleasure coaching is a proactive one for good health, emotional and mental wellbeing.

Sexology is the study of human sexuality, including behaviours, functions, and issues related to sex and pleasure and in a clinical setting, offers coaching, therapy or re-education around sex and pleasure. Sex Coaching is different not the same as sex therapy; one way to think about it is that coaching acknowledges where you are now and where you want to be. Together, my clients and I work in a co-active manner towards their pleasure goals.

There are many misconceptions around sex. We often typically think of sexual health just in biological or anatomical terms or some think it’s simply being free from STI’s (sexually transmitted infections), forgetting that sexual pleasure is a key component of sexual health, but for many, seeking or taking pleasure can be shame-inducing. Perhaps the biggest misconception is around masturbation or solo sex which is the foundation for all partnered sex. It is a healthy and natural part of being human.

My work with my clients is as unique and individual as they are, and what I and other sex coaches find is that there is never normally just one topic of discussion. Vocabulary is important, I use ‘theme' or ‘topic’ rather than pathologising terms like issues, problems or concerns. I work with Dr Patti Britton’s MEBES model which is a whole-person approach to coaching - Mind, Emotion, Body, Energy and Spirit.

I think the biggest area of discussion is around body image and shame which are compounded by people’s reluctance for speaking about it, making it taboo.

People are very interested in my work as a sex coach and I some great conversations at networking events! I find that in a one-to-one or small group setting, the conversations flow and people open up with genuine enthusiasm and curiosity. The openness narrows when the setting gets wider because I think there is fear of being perceived in a certain way or of upsetting groups of people. In terms of working with clients, people tend to prefer the anonymity of online coaching sessions from a distance. I am Nottingham-based but have worked with people from London, Manchester, Leeds, Scotland, Essex, New York, even from India and Saudi Arabia - I think people prefer to know that they won’t bump into me in a supermarket, knowing all of their sex secrets! But as I hope you would expect, I work ethically and with complete discretion and I would never disclose the nature of my connection with a person. If the client wants to disclose, that’s up to them. The biggest area of challenge of working within this industry is visibility - professionals like myself refer to sexual pleasure being natural and in no way taboo, yet we still must censor ourselves in social media arenas lest we fall foul of community guidelines.

Educate yourself. Know yourself. There is a plethora of information available about sex and relationships from self-help books to Instagram and TikTok to pleasure product website blogs to documentaries. And don’t be afraid to seek the help of a professional like a sex or intimacy coach. Nearly all of my client coaching sessions involve an element of re-education, about the anatomy of other bodies and the anatomy of self. It’s surprising how many people don’t know about their own sexual anatomy! Often my clients want to learn new tricks or techniques for pleasuring themselves or their partner. They love being able to get really curious and to ask questions in a safe and non-judgmental environment - the discussions get really interesting! I speak very openly about pleasure products and toys, and tell people that in my opinion, one of the best pleasure products you can play with is lube - whether your body lubricates naturally or not. It increases sensation, reduces friction and enhances all the good stuff regardless of gender. It is natural for every person to experience challenges with sex and pleasure at some point during their life, we are ever growing and evolving, and pleasure is a life-long exploration - we are sexual beings from before birth up until the day we die.

Since lockdown, I notice an increase in the amount of differing opinions about heterotypical relationship styles, swinging, open relationships and non-monogamy, particularly with younger people - gone are the days of 'keys in the fishbowl' parties amongst middle-aged people. Sex, sexuality and relationships are spoken about more freely than they used to be, although there’s still a way to go, particularly in the realm of areas such as solo sex and female sexuality.

A big barrier to open and honest communication is the fear that we will be judged, that people will think us ‘weird’ or 'not normal’ for the individual way that we enjoy sexual pleasure - because our own motivation or desire for sex, arousal patterns and history are all unique. We can’t expect our partner to know what we like if we can’t communicate it, and we can’t communicate it if we don’t know it ourselves. This is why solo sex is crucial for great partnered sex.